Sunday, September 17, 2006


I like my own space. Always have. Since as far back as I can remember, I have been kind of a private person. Nobody in their right mind would describe me as outgoing, talkative, gregarious etc. I would count myself lucky if they think I am social. Six years of hostel life and three years in a sales role meant that I can initiate, hold and even impress when necessary in a conversation but at heart, like I said before, I like my own space.

Most of the stuff which I do, outside of work, be it running, blogging, playing my guitar, online chess, reading is obviously, done in isolation. I even go to the movies alone. Many people find that weird. Some give me ‘what a loser’ looks but I love going to a good movie on my own terms, my day, my time and not having to make polite conversation at intermittent periods. And don’t get me started on the popcorn. So, you would have guessed by now that I haven’t been able to hold down a relationship for any significant period of time.

If you are scratching your head about where this entire thing came from, two things have kind of precipitated this outpouring of self-analysis. One is, of course, discussions of matrimony at home, which till now I have been able to present a straight bat to. Simply put, arranged marriage terrifies me. I even remember distinctly a dream on this subject awhile back, which can only be described as a nightmare. It’s not that I feel I would be unhappy in a marriage. But it would so easy for me to be indifferent. I would just find my own space in that relationship and keep it out of bounds like I do so often with many. And that would be so unfair to the partner. I know you are probably thinking that it’s no big deal and anyway one doesn’t need share everything in a marriage and a private space circle is perfectly fine. The problem is, in my case, that circle could be a pretty big one.

You are probably still shaking your head, more so if you are already in a steady relationship and going all ‘Been there, done that’. To you I present my second reason, which is the REAL reason for writing this post. I don’t know if I mentioned before, but sis has recently moved jobs and joined us at Hyderabad. Which is not a problem at all (most of the time) since am used to having her around, having grown up together and all that, and she is unmindful of my little eccentricities. So while my room has been left untouched, she does have to use the computer, which is there in my room, and she has placed a small ‘Shrek Donkey’ soft toy on top of the monitor.
Which is quite irritating and believe me, and that’s an understatement. I punched it away the first time but it found its way back and I had to hear an earful of how I was being ‘extremely silly’. Even right now, the stupid thing is looking down at me, baring its eight (yes, I counted) huge disproportionate teeth in a grin, if one could call it that, its tilted head nodding continuously due to the fan in my room. I tried a profile position but that’s actually quite scary. And the ‘ass’ position (pun unintended) makes me a bit queasy.

All in all, it’s highly distracting, the Shrek Donkey is. Writing blog posts and surfing the net at home are taking longer than usual as I keep glancing at it and returning its glare every five seconds. I could keep it aside and keep it back up when am finished with my work on the computer but even I think that that’s quite abnormal. I have now starting thinking of it as a test. If I can live with that stupid Donkey staring down at me maybe I will emerge from this experience a better man. Everything happens for a reason doesn’t it.

You see the problem now, don’t you?

P.S. This time, here’s a dazed and confused attempt at a Beatles number. The video is screwed up more than usual due to the fact that I used unregistered software to convert to a Div file. I promise links to a pure audio file from the next post. And, of course, as usual, view or listen at your own risk.


Aravind Cadambi said...

Setup a wireless network at home, get a laptop with inbuilt wireless and you are all set to blog from the comfort of your own room. Or if you want to be hip get a Nokia 770 and blog using that. The problem is that you want your space but are not a geek. Any self respecting geek would have done what I said above.
I used to be the same way as you and mostly still am but then I made an exception. Hmmm..didnt I read about making exceptions in a blog you pointed me to? I guess you have to find your exception yet.

dazedandconfused said...

yeah, probably need to...find my exception, that is.